Friendships are one of the most powerful influences in a child’s life. Supportive, high-quality friendships don’t just make childhood more enjoyable—they shape mental health, resilience, and long-term wellbeing (Chu et al., 2010). A strong friendship can be a source of joy, confidence, and support, especially during life’s inevitable ups and downs (Hartup & Stevens, 1999). But the key words around friendship here are supportive and high-quality.
While friendships are crucial, children don’t always evaluate them the way adults do. Often, they stick with friends out of habit—choosing familiarity over fulfillment. They may continue investing in friendships that don’t bring out the best in them, simply because they’ve known the person for a long time. Sometimes, children can feel stuck in these friendships, forgetting that they have the power to choose who they spend time with. But just because a friendship is familiar doesn’t mean it’s the best fit.
So, how can we help children assess the quality of their friendships? It starts with recognising patterns—identifying the behaviours that make a friendship positive and those that signal an unhealthy dynamic. When children reflect on their friendships, they can begin to define their own must-haves and deal-breakers—the qualities they deserve in a friend and the behaviours they won’t tolerate. These reflections strengthen self-worth, reminding children that friendships should lift them up, not weigh them down. Take some time to explore this with your child.
Once children understand the qualities of a healthy friendship, they can start assessing their relationships as a whole. A helpful tool like the Friendology Friend-o-Meter can guide them in determining whether their friendships are built on trust, respect, and joy. While no friendship is perfect (Friendship Fact #1), a healthy relationship should feel good at least 80% of the time. That’s what we call a green-zone friendship—one where a child feels safe, valued, and happy. It’s based on kindness, trust, and respect.